The Infamous Dogman

Today I was watching T.V. at about the time absolutely nothing good is on, you know when the dumb cartoons and soap opera stuff start....anyway and I was thinking, "I wonder what it would be like to be a dog, stuck in a humans body..." I don't know why I thought of it, it just popped into my head.
(That's how I get most of my ingenious hair brained schemes)
Anyway so then I pictured having the disgusting instincts and habits most dogs possess, such as licking their privates and eating their own ( and others ) vomit, drinking from toilets, you get the idea!
Then I thought, "That would be so funny if some random person started sniffing another another's butt while they were in mid conversation! Or if some idiot started screaming at a car while trying sadly to catch up!" That's when I realized that mans best friend, AKA dogs, are complete Tards.

Funny thing was while I was thinking this my two dogs were lying on the ground in front of me, dead asleep, and they were snoring louder than my dad does when he has a cold. ( and that's freakin' LOUD! ) I started cracking up, as I do when ever I even look at those two mugs. Then I screamed to wake them up, and they snapped their heads up to look at me, they looked completely drunken, but they came at me to lick me and stuff like that's what I wanted. Dogs always assume that every time you make a noise, or move to get more comfortable, you want them to come over and start licking your face.

Then another image popped into my head, taking a walk. Have you ever taken your dog on a walk? You get all excited about making your dog happy, they're bouncing and twitching, and you're giving them this pep talk about how they're about to have the time of their life! ( kind of like small children in an ice cream store )
Then the second you get outside you're like, " Holy freak, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!" they're tugging you, pissing everywhere and taking dumps in your neighbors lawns. They want to chase everything they see, like they're on crack, "Holy crap man did you see that car? IT WAS LIKE A GIANT STEAK ON WHEELS! BUT IT WAS SINGING! LETS GO CHASE IT!" or "OH NO, THAT MAIL MAN JUST WAVED AT ME.......THAT BASTARD! DID YOU SEE THAT?! THAT'S IT!
LET'S CHASE HIM DOWN AND CHEW ON HIS LEGS."
it's ridiculous!

Now picture that but in human form, like you're walking your brother and he has a sudden urge to sniff every corner you pass like it's filled with secrets.
He starts shaking his butt and bouncing screaming, "HEY! that corner smells like my best friend! Lets piss on it!"
After you pull him away he gives you this guilty face, but it only lasts until the next corner. That's when I started to appreciate not having a dogman as a brother.

And that's also when I thanked God for gold fish.