The dull point

sometimes I just like to say that it's not fair.
I can't snowboard for my life, not fair.
I can't find the best place to go when I'm bored of inside, not fair.
We aren't friends they are, not fair.

I find the fact I have troubles opening up the way others do to complete strangers just not fair. I mean I can blog to how many strangers out there who read this, but that's mostly because we're not face to face.
And I don't have many strangers who read my blogs,
I really just don't have alot of people who read my blogs period!

ANYWAY!

I feel dull, colorless, lame, boring. Like a butter knife feels when it's compared to a steak knife.
I mean the butter knife isn't a bad knife, it can cut through anything with some work, but it's mostly used to spread butter, jam , cream cheese, ect. Steak knifes are exciting, dangerous, extreme! Why can't I be more like a steak knife?
It's gay.
I mean lot's of people can feel this way some of the time, like they're not being fun, like they're kind of non existent when they're around a certain group of people, but that's mostly because everyone feels like that when they first meet someone, even if they're hilarious and bubbly and out there. After an hour of doing something they warm up and start to click! I am always awkward around someone, unless I am already warmed up with the pressance of a really close friend, and even then I can still be a crumb.

Think of it this way, which would you choose?
A chunk of jello, a block of Swiss cheese, pumpkin pie, or a glass of water?
Obviously one of the fun sounding and interesting ones. Not water, it's ordinary. I mean sure it's pretty good when you're thirsty, but I mean just for looks, not alot of people would actually choose water.
I am that glass of water....usually.
Sometimes I can be Jello or Kool aid or something,
I think it's a disease.