Monday, July 19, 2010

Survival tips to handling the elderly in your life

So I have, for the past few months been living with my grandparents. I have to admit it was difficult adjusting to their lifestyles and habits. I'm sure they could say the same about me, but I realized in my studies of their elderly ways that old people, though intimidating and strange, have their leaky spots as well as younger people; all it takes is a little quiet observation to find these things!
Well I had a nice long observation period and now I'm going to share my discoveries with the world! The first thing I ever noticed about old people is that when they get together all they do is brag about what they're doing with their yards, always trying to one up the other old people! It's constant gabble about landscaping and what they're planning next to bring in even more comfort to an already perfected environment, and my favorite characteristic that all old people share is they actually KNOW the professional or even latin name of the stone, bush, rock, gravel, dirt, grass, or tree like it's really important. it never fails to make me laugh!
"Oh well, my pool is really big, one of those square ones. I set the tile myself, it's real RED SAND STONE FLAT ROCK! Real hard to get that in paved tile these days! OH the shrubbary around my porch swing? nice isn't it? it's rare silver lambs ear shrub also called aquaticus lambus brush, and it smells like rosemary. OH yeah! my wife loves it!" haha...old people....

Another realization I have come to is that all old people like to make fun of things just like us young kids! And guess what they make fun of? yep, us! They're constantly taking something that we "youngins" take interest in and gab about it to eachother, it's mostly things they never had or things they don't understand, such as ipods, cell phones, friends, dvds, areosol cans, cd players, laptops, and video games.
"kids these days, so caught up in those colored tv's, those ear buds in their ears, why can't they act like us? hard work and discipline That's what they need!"
"oh I agree Ted! So hard to get anything into these kids that doesn't involve food, music or sex!" Oh Ted, oh Mary, cheer up! We have our world and you yours! can't we just be friends?

the last major thing I noticed is that all old people like to seem like they know everything about...well....everything! and that they're always right!
Old people are full of random facts and thousands of stories that intertwine themselves in with these random facts. Wisdom is what they call it.
"you see that faint light around the moon? that's called earth light, relfection of the sun off the oceans that hits the other side of the moon we can't see! Oh which reminds me of this one time when I was younger where I made these choices and regret this and wish I could go back to that." Old people just want to close that gap between them and us, So here are my tips for when your grandparents, parents, or even the old neighbors come for a visit!

Step one: put away or turn off all electronic devices that might cause a distraction, take the attention away from your conversation, or make a loud and sudden noise, such as cell phones, ipods, video games, the television, radio, small children.....maybe even the blender....
Step two: Have a list of conversation starters they might take interest in! Such as how their yard, garden, or recent remodeling is going! Maybe throw some interesting "facts" about a certain bird or insect that might be good or hazardous to certain plants.
Step three: Listen to their stories! pay attention, ask questions, and nod alot!
When you're elderly leave they will feel appreciated and loved, and perhaps a little more patient with you and your crazy young people syndrome.

I hope these tips are helpfull for you and your elderly!
I will continue my researches, for I know there is still so much to understand about the elderly and so much I can bring to the youth of society! Enjoy and practice these steps with your friends to perfect them before using them on actual elderly.

Friday, January 1, 2010

ALL GROWN UP! well.....technically......

Wow, it's been like foreve since I've been on my blog. I forgot my password and today on this lovely 2010 day I decided to try and log on and my password was the same as my facebook password! isn't that just lovely?
I bet you all (my five adoring fans...including myself) were wondering where I went? Of course, so do I!
Anyways it's a new year and I need a hip replacement because I'm so old. LOL... that's not funny. my Grandma is getting one of those.....sorry grandma!
Anyways I was so deprived of my blog this year....well last year, that I made a new one, and now I feel guilty because I just know I am going to neglect one, and it's going to get depressed and do drugs and "party" and get really thin and throw up all the time.....just like Lindsy Lohan. Sigh. I just don't know what I'm going to do. I mean I'll try to love both the same, but I like this one better because I have been with it so long and I'm comfortable with it. Also because I have followers on this one who might actually read what I have to say! HOORAY!
Anyways this is just a post to reassure everyone that I am back on my blogging track! (which means I don't have a life! WOOT!) lolz so it's going to be like party central up in here!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Too much of a good thing

Well it has officially been a week and a half since I started my new job in Idaho raising potato children! And I've had an epiphany, so I must say to all the mothers out there: YOU are super amazing! Because as much as I love kids, playing and running and screaming and biting (it's all in good fun right?) I'm pooped. I can't imagine doing this full time! I mean I work a lot, but I get away at five or so and I get Fridays off.
And in those days I work I have developed eight bruises, gotten six cuts, one bloody nose, and three sets of teeth imprints on my arms. WEEEEEEEEEE~
I mean kids are so funny, and I love playing with them, but man can they have attitudes; And I think I might blow a gasket if I have to change another kids poopy underwear accident!
But I can't say all the bad things then I'll sound like I'm miserable, and I'm not. When my class of three year olds aren't being crazy, they're really fun! I have heard the best stories about space, and dinosaurs, and adventures that have made me laugh out loud, usually in the kids faces too, but they don't mind. I have also had kids jumping up and down and playing hide and go seek, and kids climbing up and down on me saying that they like me, and force feeding me their awful organic dairy free cheese, or showing me their little babies as they fall out of their tummies, or having little snotty sneezes right in my face followed by a heart filled apology and some high pitched squeals of delight as I slowly wipe off the debree *sigh* this is the life!
I'm not having kids for a long time.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Secret Ingredients

Okay here's a thinker!

If you were told by some ancient brain, like Gandhi, or Plato, that you were the secret ingredient to life, that every move you made determined the future, how would you react?

Like if you decided that your favorite sandwich was peanut butter and jelly, then you made it for your kids, and they made it for their kids, until the whole future worshiped PB&J's all because of you. And they named cities after you, and PB&J's had monuments build in Egypt, all because you decided that PB&J's were the best thing in sandwich history, what would you do?
My brother says he would make everyone wear top hats on Tuesdays and talk backwards, which I think might be the best reply I've gotten from this question. He would turn abnormalities into the "in thing" of the future, turning differences into a good thing. He's smart for a twelve year old you know, most twelve year olds are weird and hormonal. Ew.
I think I would make everyone wear different colored socks and burst into song randomly, and when it was rainy or windy people would have kite flying races or catch the rain in little cups! We could live like the who's! Yes the Dr.Seuss who's.
I think it would be sweet.
Why does the world look "down upon" people who are different anyway? I think it's sick the way people treat others.....Anyways think about could pick anything in the world that could change!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Amazing me!

Well I don't know how, but I'm following my own blog!
Because I rock.
Anyways This blog is to enlighten those of you who stress out, feel lonely, because YOU need a hug!
I know there are alot of those free hugs people who just want your love! Or a family member who doesn't show it, but feels lonely or upset, or for no reason at all, just give a hug.
I find hugs release tension, makes you feel cared for and just plain old happy! Giving hugs is addicting, I can't make it one day without hugging my dad, sister, my pillow, even myself when there's no one around! So whoever you might be next to, who ever, give them a big hug and spread the happiness! Heck hug a tree for all I care, for those of you who are hippies or just old tree huggers, HUGS NOT DRUGS!
the reason why I so passionately write about hugging is because I recently acquired a job, which requires me to move away from my family and friends, I'm excited to be going off on my own, but I'm a little scared too. I've never moved out before and my family won't be there everytime I need them! So while I am here for these next few short days, I'm going to get my fill! And I think that everyone needs to stop every once in a while and realize who they have and just hug them, because you never know when they'll need it, you never know exactly why....but sometimes it's all that matters.

I mean seriously.......what the hell?

Okay This blog might surprise you, it might shock you, it might hunt you down and get you. But it must be done!
Today I'm blogging about probably God's worst creation,the most pointless, freaky thing in the world...
Everything happens for a reason....except for clowns I mean what the hell?!
Who came up with the Idea to dress up in huge pants and scary face make up and chase around small children trying to make them laugh but in all seriousness, scaring the living crap out of them and possibly giving them nightmares forever?!
I was watching this cartoon on Nickelodeon where the mom to this boy hires a clown for his birthday party, but the clown was really like this evil guy come to eat him or something, it was freaking scary man. Which got me to ponder, What would posses a mother to rent a little kids nightmare to come to his or her birthday party??!!
"Hey Timmy, guess who we got for your birthday party! It's Satan! He's going to make you balloons and maybe eat your little five year old soul!"
I mean COME ON! No little kid wants a clown at his birthday party, or even anywhere near him EVER! Have you ever even seen a kid laugh at a clown? I haven't, they always get this expression on their face that says dear god, what have you done? There's no way that's uncle Doug, no way......
that's the devil.
You think they can't tell but they know.

Then I watched a Simpsons episode and it was spot on. It's the episode where Bart is a little kid and Lisa is about to be born, and Homer is trying to get Bart to sleep in a bed so Lisa can have the crib. So he makes him a clown bed. Bart sits in the bed all night rocking back and forth saying, "Can't sleep clown will eat me.." Over and over again.
That's exactly how EVERY kid feels.
So parents stop and think before you go out and get a clown, DON'T. It will save you money, and spare your child nightmares and or irrational fears when they get older. I promise, buy your kid a barbie Jeep, or some Bibi guns,they'll thank you.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Deep fried Peanut butter and Jelly

Have you ever been curious?
It happens to the best of us in the worst of times....anywho today I thought that I needed to do something happy in order to make me well.......happy duh! But I had no clue what I could do in Provo. I don't think anyone can ever have plans really because there's NOTHING to DO here! especially during the day, SO I decided to do what I normally enjoy, eating. I looked into the cupboard and fridge to find something to munch but all I could find was enormous amounts of butter, two eggs, (not AIGS eggs) bread, frozen fish, cat food, tuna, mayo, peanut butter, moldy bagels, chocolate chips, lime Cheetos, And jelly. I did find more but I think you get the idea! The idea being, there wasn't anything good to eat in my fridge and or cupboard.
I wanted something hot, I don't know why but being of the female species I crave strange things and I wanted something HOT! so I got out a pan and weighed my options. Grilled cheese sandwich....yeah. that sounded delicious, but alas the world was out of cheese. =( then I thought PB and J. So I put a bunch of butter on the pan and fried me up a PB and J.
At first I thought I was crazy to actually eat it, I'll just cook it because I'm bored. But it couldn't hurt to try it right?
Now I can tell you now that it was the BEST PB and J I have ever tasted! It's the sandwich of the future!
It was delicious, so now I recommend it to all of you who actually read my blogs, fry yourself up a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, because I told you to, and when you don't listen to my command I eat your babies. That's just what happens so yeah!
just thought I'd share that!
until next time I guess, and if you treasure your babies, I'd do it!