Small purple ninja's

Late Merry Christmas!
I've decided to go into the everlasting argument sweeping the nation!
Are ninja's real and are they better than Pirates?
Well I am here to answer this question!
Inspiring and decisive, I am the best person TO answer this imprtant minnd boggling question!
I am a proud supporter of both ninja's and Pirates, so I can argue either side, so lets start with the first question. The answer is yes, ninja's are real. They are mostly the people you would expect them to be ninja's. Like the old cat lady everyone knows and loves, or the lonely bachelor with thte huge house, tons of money and time on their hands, Batman, and of course......me.
I recived a small purple ninja for Christmas from my dear friend the Bar of soap. It was magnificent and apporpriate. Anyways I use it for practicing my mad ninja skills.
But Pirates those guys are pretty sweet too, I mean sure you can't jump from out of the shadows and star someone in the head, but you do get to swing from ropes, fight giant squids, pillage and plunder, wear eye patches, get drunk almost every night... I mean a pirates life is more than it seems!
So if I were to pick between riding off with my mates, boose, and gold, or jumping off buildings, asassanating people in their sleep, and appearing out of no where I'd have to pick a ninja/pirate and do all of those wonderful, things!
So all of you morons out there that fight about which is better.....just choose the better choice and say to your friends, " Yeah I'd be a cross breed between ninja and pirate so I get ALL the goodies."
Then walk off with attitude that says, that's right you better watch your back and lock up your family. Because I rock.
Then run up a wall and kick someones head off screaming ARG! That'll get your point across real nicely!

I rock.

Evil cackle

You know, not alot of people can give a convincing evil cackle.
I've heard some pretty evil cackles in my day, but others are just ridicules!

I mean come on people! If you are going to claim to have a sincerely evil cackle practice it a bit. Make sure it's bone chilling, so evil you'd make Satan say, "sheesh. I thought my cackle was evil, but that guy.....that was just frightening!"
And he'd have to say it with that annoying gay man lisp too.
So evil you make Satan gay!

Sadly not everyone has the evil gene. They are usually the ones that seem evil, and claim to be pretty maniacal but in reality are just huge tards.
I hate those people.
They always tend to piss me off the most. ( yes, even more than fat people do. )

I should explain my "dislike" for fat people before all you fatties take offense.
Okay I admit sometimes it's just in your DNA to be fat, both your parents have unfortunate figures, what are you going to do?
But the rest of you.......you just piss me off. You whine about how you're fat and you eat more! It was YOUR choice to eat your feelings and relatives, so don't piss off the rest of us with your choice. I don't go around pissing and moaning at everyone saying, " I would but I'm just to obnoxious! Sure I chose to be obnoxious today, but I'm going to blame you." Or a gay guy, they don't go around crying to the world they hate having to wear tights. Again their choice.

Anyways back to cackles.
Cackles define the very core of your evilness, so please, PLEASE! If you are going to have an evil cackle make sure it's EVIL!
Evil as in eating babies, Evil as in stealing food from the homeless, Evil as in taking drugs from an addict and replacing them with candy.
Thank you.
stay evil.

A Honeyless safety pin

Well it has happened!
My dear sweet honey jar has just taken an airplane to her hispanic terrain in chile.
This Aimee, is a shout out to you!

As you know I'm a hopeless case when it comes to family, friends, people in gerneral.
For some reason I just don't like people unless they posess some sort of awesome quality. And now I have no Aimee to sheild me from the stupidity of mankind. But it's not the end of the world. ( no not even in 2012. ) I'll just have to take on the world until you get back, either that or go back into my lazy home bum stage, which I never really got out of, it'll just be a more "hardcore" version!
Most of my time is now focused on the little white binder I have just for you~ I'm filling it with something or another everyday, and it's going to be so fat you'll have to get a ladder just to read it's guts out. ^_^

The snow is still falling, and will until you return, So I see you as my own little peice of spring! (I know, I'm so poetic and rommantic!) But seriously I'll always be waiting for you to come back and tell me I'm beautiful, and make me realize that I'm the best person the world posseses, and that united we dominate man, beast, and every super powered "hero" and villan! ( yes even Ironman. )
I miss you alot my honey, and I can't wait for you to come back!
( blush! ) Have a wink ;)
See you on the flipside babay!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!

One exciting night with my family and.........Frank.

Once upon a time there was a me.
I was having a crappy day, because I had to wake up early. Well to make my life more horrid it starts snowing. Blech.
My mom dares to address me while in my current mood to invite me to a little Christmas ritual gathering with my extended family.
I very much dislike those, so I invite my very good friend, or more like my boyfriend, ( I don't think I'm aloud to tell you what his name was so we'll call him.....Frank. )
So frank is pretty much excited about spending time with my family. Who wouldn't be?!
And we have this lovely ride in my parents car for an hour before!
Once we get to my aunts house we book it down stairs to avoid the awkwardness, of course why should I let Frank go live life unawkwardly? So I sick my demons on him.
He has a pleasant little rip on the bottom of his pants and I tell my cousins to rip it a little more to freak him out. You know to be a funny.
And my darling brother Torin get's a hold of this knowledge. ( big mistake.)
the second Frank stands up my brother rips his pants down to his ankles. The whole back of his pants were on the floor, and Frank went bright red.
I think it was my favorite night for the rest of my life.

The end

hehehehe!
( insert my evil cackle. )

The Almost Death of Two Crazy Beans

Okay, so this is a story of me and my sister Jessie.
It is a true story so those with weak constitution may want to get a life.

Last night was like most nights at my house, boring. So I doddle into my room to listen to music and do some midwinter cleaning! ( My favorite! )
My sister had just gotten home and decided to come in to visit with me, laugh, have a jolly old time like sisters do! So we start being obnoxious and talking about Christmas presents.

I was in a pickle. I had drawn the name of my little brother Danny, and Danny is very hard to pick a gift for, I don't really know why he just is!
So we get some monies and decide we're not coming back until we have a grand gift for him. It gets dark, and we start playing my ghetto, bootilicious music and dancing like only two white girls can, ridiculously amazing. When I start to notice that my sister had turned into the wrong side of the road. Literally! There were cars coming strait at us!
It's Christmas shopping time, when I mean cars coming I mean a billion cars!
My darling sister just sits in the turn lane as all of these cars are headed for us, she says, "I wonder how far we can go?" I just look at her and scream at the top of my lungs, " FLIP! FLIP!"
A little light bulb sparks above my sisters head, and she flips the car around just in time. I'm in shock at this sudden near death experience, I look over to meet my sisters eyes and she starts laughing. No not just laughing, she was laughing hysterically like some huge fat guy broke a chair.
And she says, "That was a good idea! I was thinking I was going to keep driving, or drive over the median to the other side of the road!"
She kept laughing and I just sat there.

I mean yeah! The roads were slick, we were safe right?
Of course! No one was going to freak out, hit the breaks and come screeching into us!
nah.

My awesomeness.

I just want to say, I'm awesome.
Most people like to think themselves as awesome, but you're not.
I am awesome.

Why am I just so awesome?
I think I'll tell you, but be warned, because my awesomeness is not to be attempted by people who are just not me.
( especially if you are NOT awesome. )

Okay here we go
The reasons as to why I, Becca, am so awesome.

Beginning the list will be reason number one, because one is usually the best place to start.

1. I have two different colored eyes!
Try that if you can with out the assistance of colored contacts.
2. I can make up the sweetest of bedtime stories. Just ask my little sister!
3. I can admit I make up sweet bedtime stories!
4. I can eat raw fish with a smile on my face!
5. I can survive a wild Banshee attack.
6. I am always upbeat, even in a bad mood!
7. I play the emu.
8. I caught a wild shark, ( not a tame one ) with my bare teeth.
9. I like to sing at the top of my lungs until they blow up.
10. I can regrow my lungs.
11. I make an unusual companion when bathing.
12. I can eat a whole wheel of Gouda cheese with out getting constipated!
13. I can use the F word in almost any setting.
14. I can cheer up the most bitchy of gold fish.
15. I love to dance naked in the rain!
16. I do wicked imitations of food.
17. I tend to entertain without meaning to.
18. I can think of these reasons without thinking!
19. I hate the taste of puke.
20. I can make music come out of the most unsightly places on my body!
21. Smiling makes me laugh.
22. I can't eat spaghetti without thinking of eating worms.
23. I don't agree with the world.
24. Moose.
25. everyone wants to be me. Or next to me....close enough.
27. I don't need a twenty sixth reason.
28. My toes are nuns.
29. Jesus is my home dog.
30. You read all the reasons above I just gave you.
31. I have purple hair.
32. I almost had dread locks.
33. I can carve a mean turkey.
34. I smell INCREDIBLE!
35. stoopid people make my day.
36. I am batman.
37. some people get me confused with Chewbaka.
38. I watch neg's urban sports.
39. My favorite number is 69.
39. I am going to steal a handicaps prosthetic leg.
40. I have two thirty nines.

So yeah I'm just that awesome.

The sluggish feeling of nothing and everything

Have you ever been alone, and it was exactly what you wanted?
You get a choice between having company or not and you choose to be all alone. You think, "hey wouldn't it be nice to just have a day to do nothing all by myself?"
You tell everyone you just need your quiet time and you'll be fine if they went out to enjoy whatever they want to enjoy. Then after about thirty minutes of quiet you start thinking, " geese, no one's going to come up and surprise me with their company! They thought I was serious! Well that was a mistake."
You get restless and you do everything that can be done in your house and now you're going crazy screaming, "WHY DID I SAY THAT?! WHY DIDN'T I JUST GO?!" and you still have like three hours left. You start watching the cars out the window hoping it's someone you know well enough to run at, " hey HEY you know me! Come in....what? oh who cares your grandma can wait forty more minutes, the doctors won't move her! She's not going anywhere. Come in! I'll make you tea."
Yeah you're so desperate you offer them tea. Once you convince them to stay you start getting annoyed at them for being there. Why did you invite them? Dang! This person is really starting to suck! Now you just get pissed off, you say, "well it was nice of you to drop by but I think your grandma is dying. Maybe you should go help her die. No no I just want to be alone. No it's okay I really just want a day to myself. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!" of course they tell everyone not to visit because they'll just piss you off and the fact they do that just starts to pissing you off! They leave you to help their grandma and left you all alone in a house where you've done everything entertaining, so there's nothing left to do but to call people. You give your other friends a call they all say, "oh I'm busy, and besides Carol told me you were a little moody today. Yeah you kicked her out screaming she was a bad person for not going strait to the hospital. Her grandma was dying and she wasn't going to rest until she saw you." And you say, " oh please. you know....no one likes Carol anyways! I mean who does? You know I like you! Come on!" After they promise to come over you start looking for an excuse to get out of it. you think "damn, that was a mistake. Now I have to entertain, I should have known." you start pacing, you think maybe if you start doing stuff they'll see you're busy and leave. You bake something, with your music up so loud your neighbors think, "Uh honey, we should go out tonight. I have a feeling the girl next door is in the alone syndrome stage! Let's go see a movie, then go out to eat, then go bowling!" They want out, because they know what's coming next.
After you invite all your friends over and everyone but you is having a goodtime, you start to get easily annoyed by everything they do and say until you blow up and start fights.Everyone is screaming at each other and you can't take it, " ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE ALONE! EVERYONE GET OUT!" everyone leaves and you lay down on your bed to think why you feel so bipolar, when finally you fall asleep.
When you wake up you realize, " hey that was what I needed! I nap!"
why didn't you think that one up before you made everyone crazy? it was so simple!

So if you need a day to yourself and nothing is working, sleep! Because the world will be grateful for it! And the world will be much sweeter when you wake.