Evil cackle

You know, not alot of people can give a convincing evil cackle.
I've heard some pretty evil cackles in my day, but others are just ridicules!

I mean come on people! If you are going to claim to have a sincerely evil cackle practice it a bit. Make sure it's bone chilling, so evil you'd make Satan say, "sheesh. I thought my cackle was evil, but that guy.....that was just frightening!"
And he'd have to say it with that annoying gay man lisp too.
So evil you make Satan gay!

Sadly not everyone has the evil gene. They are usually the ones that seem evil, and claim to be pretty maniacal but in reality are just huge tards.
I hate those people.
They always tend to piss me off the most. ( yes, even more than fat people do. )

I should explain my "dislike" for fat people before all you fatties take offense.
Okay I admit sometimes it's just in your DNA to be fat, both your parents have unfortunate figures, what are you going to do?
But the rest of you.......you just piss me off. You whine about how you're fat and you eat more! It was YOUR choice to eat your feelings and relatives, so don't piss off the rest of us with your choice. I don't go around pissing and moaning at everyone saying, " I would but I'm just to obnoxious! Sure I chose to be obnoxious today, but I'm going to blame you." Or a gay guy, they don't go around crying to the world they hate having to wear tights. Again their choice.

Anyways back to cackles.
Cackles define the very core of your evilness, so please, PLEASE! If you are going to have an evil cackle make sure it's EVIL!
Evil as in eating babies, Evil as in stealing food from the homeless, Evil as in taking drugs from an addict and replacing them with candy.
Thank you.
stay evil.

Chocolate needs

Why do women need chocolate?

Simple question. I mean women are always saying to each other,"What I would give right now for some chocolate! Do you need it too? Let's take a chocolate break!" then you have the whole group yelling CHOCOLATE BREAK LET'S GO!
Sometimes I think it's bullshit.
Other times I think it's just Satan whispering into our ears, "psst! hey you! You know what would make you feel better? Chocolate. What? you don't feel bad? Well you are a selfish, whiny, angry person who takes it out on everyone else. Now that you feel like crap, go buy yourself twenty pounds of chocolate and gorge yourself."
I know what all you men are thinking right now too, you're thinking, " Whatever! Women just use it as an excuse to eat as much sugary treats they want....they don't NEED it."
And I just want to say to all you men right now, sure it sounds crazy, even to me but what would you say if we took that same argument and used it for your everyday needs for sex. Then what would you say?

Exactly.

But women actually NEED chocolate. I know that when I'm in an evil mood I hear Satan's whispers of supposed deceit. And I whisper back, " You're right! Who would know if I just took one small bite, then thirty huge ones more? just me and you!" I have those days as does lots of other women who are greedy enough to listen to Satan.
Sometimes I even agree with Satan. I just have those kinds of days. I just want to say, " Okay you're right stop tempting me I'll do it!"
At least I have some self control.
Of course I can choose not to eat chocolate. It's easy, I'll just eat ice cream!
And if not ice cream then I'll not eat anything until my normal diet becomes appealing again.
Maybe it's hormones, maybe it the X chromosome, but I know as a fact that chocolate for women tends to give more endorphins to women than men.
And men get more endorphins in sex than women. But I don't need to tell you who's doing the whispering. It's obvious, the men. Satan gives no help in that. Men are just naturally in need of it.

Well anyways human instincts still confuse me in ways. I guess if I can't find out, maybe no one will. Instincts mean that you don't need to learn it, it comes naturally, I just want to know, sometimes I need to know, why we know these things naturally?

One day my brain is going to blow up.

Phone Call from Hell

What would you do if your phone rang and your caller ID# was 666-6666 Hell?
Would you answer?

And if you did pick up, what would you say?
Hi Satan big fan, can I just say you got me last night, YOU GOT ME! ah it was good too.
I mean what else can you say?
Hey you know you shouldn't be calling right now, it's Sunday! You're a BAD man. Very evil for calling me on Sunday. Jerk.

I'd answer, and I know what I'd say too, I'd ask him how much I could get for my soul, you know? I'd say, "hey, what would you offer me for my soul Satan?" I bet he'd offer alot, like maybe the world or something, I'd take it! Then I'd rule the world, and make everyone wear Lieder Hosen, and girdles. Just to piss off the world, I mean what could they do, ask me to stop? That'd be a funny request, right up there with sugar free gum. "hey, I know you rule the world now, but can I just ask you to ummm....stop?"
The funny thing is after I ruled the world, and lived a great powerful life,and I was on my death bed, Satan would come to collect and I'd give him the finger because I decided I didn't want to go to hell! You know what I'd do?
I'd repent full heartedly and I'd go to heaven. That's right, I would trick the devil into giving me the world.

That's right.
Too bad Satan doesn't do personal phone calls anymore, not after that incident with Moses.